If Armie Hammer Wants To Break My Ribs And Eat Me Alive, All The Power To Him
She's Not Doing So Well - Gay Comedy Podcast
Title :If Armie Hammer Wants To Break My Ribs And Eat Me Alive, All The Power To Him (Thrussy,Circle Jerks, Life, Gay Drama)
Things really heat up this week on She’s Not Doing So Well. Your favorite gays take messiness to the next level and record in a full blackout, leading to unfounded drama and an existential crisis. MIZ realizes he’s more sensitive to criticism than he would like to lead on, Jim advocates for the average lifestyle, and Bobby continues his strive to influence and serve as a resource for members of the LGBTQ+ community. Join us this week for discussions on thrussy, circle jerks, gay drama, crying in bed at night and other attempts to see the comedy in everything.
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Unknown Speaker 0:02
Oh, Donna How are you?
Unknown Speaker 0:05
Oh today Alaska, ain't it?
Unknown Speaker 0:08
Oh my god.
Unknown Speaker 0:10
No, I didn't give me
Unknown Speaker 0:14
Unknown Speaker 0:19
I'm just playing.
Unknown Speaker 0:20
Okay. Today your last day. Give me a badge.
Unknown Speaker 0:26
Unknown Speaker 0:28
All right. J now baby J is for present dance. You ain't the president no mo we got your escalate outside.
Unknown Speaker 0:38
Let me get your checks. Your last check this everything we owe you hurry up and gashing Now before you go to prison, I mean a Pensacola.
Unknown Speaker 0:52
Hold on Lee that jacket. That's a presidential jacket. You're not the president normally that jacket.
Unknown Speaker 1:00
Alright, millennia, or millennia? millennia? Got it. No matter what today your last day. Y'all probably look sad.
Unknown Speaker 1:10
Oh, yeah. You always look like that. You right? Okay. Anyway, girl. This is where your badge your badge?
Unknown Speaker 1:17
DANA Vega you want? Because you wouldn't ever here.
Unknown Speaker 1:21
Girl Give me your paperwork. Give me your paperwork.
Unknown Speaker 1:25
Yeah, get get your paperwork. Yeah. Girl this ad. This is Michelle Obama's paperwork. This is not your paperwork. Where's your paperwork? Yeah, where's that?
Welcome. She's Not Doing So Well. Comedy podcast featuring Bobby. I don't want to be viral. I want to be inspirational and life changing? Because Listen, I'm at GE gym at the top.
What can I say? Finally he's just like, you can unfollow me if you don't like my body.
The Miz 2:01
Oh my god. Tell me all about it. You're right, but you like it. Mushroom shape.
Unknown Speaker 2:16
Well, hello, everybody.
Welcome to another episode of She's Not Doing So. Well. I'm Bobby.
The Miz 2:21
I'm the man's
and we are here again on another Wednesday for you. Hi. Are we really there for them every Wednesday? I mean, yeah, God feels like a Wednesday. It feels like Inauguration Day.
Happy Inauguration Day. No one's allowed on the National Mall. I can't wait to see who sets up a bomb and a capital. I mean, we all know
The Miz 2:48
thing a good thing Jennifer Lopez will be lip synching of the inauguration. Wow. Wow. I mean, I can't
remember when she climbed like a pole. What was the other stripper movie Dr. Dow. Now and the football game, the game
and the Super Bowl. Super Bowl Super Bowl. The football game. God you're so gay.
The Miz 3:15
like Bali game.
It's like you have a ball.
Man with the big muscles in the tight jocks come out,
you know when the shower
The Miz 3:25
back performance. And she climbed a pole and my mom was like, I can't believe they play this on the national TV. It's like wow, some
cry hate the hip hop in the rap.
The Miz 3:41
My Christian values. Oh, honey,
I went off today on my own on a Word doc. And I
read it out loud actually was good. Yeah. Well, well, it's a lot.
The Miz 3:52
It's a lot to do a live reading.
No, I don't really read what. I don't really read write.
Read Well, I don't write.
Unknown Speaker 4:08
READ WRITE READ WRITE.
The Miz 4:09
READ WRITE. Wow. One verb.
Guy, honey. Oh, honey.
I am in trouble this week. Jim was in trouble last week. I was but I love it.
I remember last week.
Well, everybody else does. Thank you. I'm
getting fired. Oh no.
The Miz 4:30
No, it's okay. We can all be messy slots because apparently that's what we are.
Yeah, apparently we are because we've gotten some feedback Jim.
The Miz 4:38
I've heard that's a verbally transmitted feedback. Oh.
Oh, this is coming for a throat
I knew what this faces Yeah, this
is the attitude right.
Like the B attitude girl got a full glass of Pino and she's not we're like
what's wrong Ms. Nothing Nothing. Okay, and then all of a sudden, we start drawing a little Wow.
And this week on miserable with me as we have them is here's the thing.
I want we going there. Yeah,
we're going there.
Like we have to just I feel like I want to fight on our show. I really do
a family feud. I'm
afraid of the fight though, cuz I feel like it might get really ugly.
The Miz 5:18
I mean, it can't really get much uglier than what I've seen.
Unknown Speaker 5:25
Oh my god.
The Miz 5:25
Yeah, honestly, though, I've been thinking a lot about like people saying canceled, and the fact that people need to like, censor what they say because they're afraid of being canceled. And I'm like, that's like me saying I'm afraid of getting my period without a vagina. Like unless you're influential or relevant at all. You can't be fucking canceled. Eggs. Oh, my.
I don't know what button to press it. Yeah, like that's a button pushed. I didn't know which one.
Unknown Speaker 5:57
The Miz 5:58
So for that reason, I'm not afraid of being canceled cuz I'm nobody. No one's gonna cancel me. You can't be canceled on
me. You have to be relevant. We can't have
The Miz 6:06
a platform be relevant. None of which I have I can have which a lot of people have so they should stop fucking saying I like can't do that because I am living up to some standard and no one else holds me to you delusional fuck. Okay. You know, I
just I felt the tension. We came in the race. I
was well, I knew something was up. I was like, he's not feeling his oats today. Something's wrong. Well,
we all we did delay
The Miz 6:32
before dealing my Oh,
tell us talk to us.
The Miz 6:38
I feel like I just got off my chest. Okay, well, that's not it, though.
Because there's something else. But I'll tell you what it is. What is it, Jim? It's something about you. And your attitude. Be attitudes.
The Miz 6:53
And what would that something be
towards suicide? Oh, yep. She went there. Wow. Jim
is like Yeah. What
The Miz 7:03
are you alleging?
Unknown Speaker 7:05
we're alleging you're a little Cavalier.
You're does the best way I've ever heard my life.
The Miz 7:11
The Cleveland Cavaliers.
Okay, so without, explain to the people why, why are you Cavalier? Like, why are you so aloof about suicide? Is it a coping mechanism?
The Miz 7:27
I don't really find it that subject like i think that i don't really understand why people view it as such a oh my god off limits topic. Like it's actually a selfish reasons that happens, like, and I mean, I know I've had friends that have done it. So for me like being able to laugh about it, because I know that's what they would have done then I don't really feel that remorseful about joking about it.
I like that because honestly, that's one of our like, mantras of the show is let's make uncomfortable situations comfortable by laughing about it. Right? Or like talking shit about it, like making fun of something that is really like wait, for example, or you know, so I can't really talk about my looks I'm too hot for that. But
like if you're ugly like me, and you just feel if you have to hide your face, like
The Miz 8:20
you can talk about suicide is everyone thinks that like they're the only people who are sensitive to it. And they're like, Oh my god, well, I've almost done it and then it's like, okay, yeah, so have literally so many fucking people and you don't know that you don't know that so you know? Yeah, I don't really understand where people like get off formulating an opinion about my discussion about the topic.
But no, I mean, but you're gonna get it anyways because when you bring it up the police the PC police are coming for you.
Come for me. The funny thing about it is actually may kill yours. There's no no I really hope you don't I really don't
know that you yet.
The Miz 9:04
Well, I don't think you ever should. I think you have a lot to offer it and I feel like I've I think I believe in you more than you believe in yourself.
The Miz 9:13
Yes, yes. Lots. Lots offer.
Oh, me. I think you have a lot to offer you up here. Looks
really good. shoulders. Go
The Miz 9:25
on. Go on.
Did you get broken up with today? like something's off?
The Miz 9:29
Never been in the relationship.
You may have been. I think you need one.
I think you need a new one. I could come to New York for you.
The Miz 9:37
And do why
and only eight and a half hours. Um, I like plants.
He's your wife.
The Miz 9:44
Okay, that's it. You'll sit here and come miseries
every and build. Why do you think he's gonna drop everything for you?
First of all, a be huka like, why do you think I wouldn't sit there and commiserate with you?
Unknown Speaker 9:56
See, I've seen that mouth on film like yes, I want to
The Miz 10:03
crickey you can come Okay, Chris. Chris Rock sucked. We don't crickey you Jimmy.
Honey, it's completely Crikey it's not gonna cookie
Unknown Speaker 10:13
you average cricket.
Oh, this little cricket. That little con. Oh,
Unknown Speaker 10:18
my cricket Jiminy Cricket.
Do you want to visit I just want to like be in your bed?
No like you already have more fans than us true. We've been doing this for I don't think that's no seriously people writing go I Love New fans in Peru like you are new or trending in Peru.
Unknown Speaker 10:35
Right. Right, right, right. Right.
All right. Well, I got something.
Unknown Speaker 10:39
What do you got to say?
I've been writing down some things. So you know, there's policy
You know, there's policy.
The Miz 10:50
Rudolph the Red Nosed marine.
penises. What are nipples?
It's pussy Busey. And what's the other one? Cause a new one. There's a new see.
Unknown Speaker 11:07
to see clothes. What is it? a threat See? Like this? Fuck my throat see my throat pissy.
So I learned her. So hit.
I'm like with the Gen Z. Or Gen Z.
The Miz 11:22
I'm the Gen Z reporter lingo.
Unknown Speaker 11:25
Miss Gen Z.
He's borderline are you? Well, yes.
borderline to know you're still you're a millennial borderline, but you're on the you're on the cusp of BPD BPD. I know about bt. BTP a tape I guess I
The Miz 11:42
should say 1997 and 2012? Yeah, no, no.
So you're not you're wanting to well,
The Miz 11:50
2012. Flash 2015 2012 when I came out as a sophomore in college,
did you go to college with a OC? Or college with AMC? Yeah. I saw that. She went to your college. Like the same age? Yeah. No, but I'm just saying you kind of like cross paths.
The Miz 12:10
Yeah. probably saw on campus and like, who's this
guy who's this? Like, she's at the gay bar like cutting in line. You're like, you bitch, and she's like, I'm gonna stay one day. No, she's like a big deal. Now she like Actually, I love her. She could be on the show. She would speak
The Miz 12:23
her mind her eye. She's, I love her. She's
making more waves. Like when she makes a comment. Even fox news will go. Oh, god, she's commenting on Biden's plan. And it's like,
The Miz 12:33
everybody's obsessed with her is that she speaks with such conviction. I don't write. You're not trying to what she's saying. But I'm like, Okay, yeah, yeah.
You're gonna fucking consider
The Miz 12:44
it with such conviction and confidence. I
love it. Bobby. she's a she's a real wedding. Like you see, and he's sweating.
The Miz 12:52
She's hot as hell. Like I can go straight for your pitch or shaved
mine. Yeah, they're actually not I don't have a lot of hair shaved. No, I don't have a lot of hair in my armpits.
I don't know. It's like complete. No, they're not. You
Unknown Speaker 13:05
know, like, Harry.
He looks like preteen
Unknown Speaker 13:13
Grade right? So
you think it'd be like a bear but Honey? Honey misled. Oh, and I have no hair my asshole.
Oh, that's cuz you lasered it? That's
not I didn't have a lot before that.
Unknown Speaker 13:24
Wait, you lasers your asshole. Yeah, I
got my my asshole laser. I had a surgery like a couple years ago for assist. It's not it's a problem. But you have a boil. Should I talk about it?
Maybe I shouldn't talk about it. Because everyone has said there
might be something somebody might be relating. It's called a pilonidal cyst. And it's at the top of your butt crack near like your tailbone kinda. Yeah. And it starts as a cyst. But really, it's an abscess and it never goes away unless you get it literally cut out
like he has a third hole.
Michael Pachter So Michael had to pack my wound every day back in the hole, penis Hole by asshole
The Miz 14:01
pile and I wasn't counting the penis hole. I
really wasn't either,
though. You can stick things in the pain.
The Miz 14:06
I didn't really that wasn't a point of entry for you.
Well, it is to be of a sounding rod.
So I had a cyst. And so basically the it starts with like an ingrown hair. But I don't have that many hair. But my hair is very thick. Like it's not early. It can start with like an ingrown hair. So they're like we recommend you either like shaved on the regular or get like a permanent solution. So I was like, I'll get my asshole lasered.
The Miz 14:25
Did you get a bleach to it?
The Miz 14:28
That's next. I used this I shaved my asshole all the time. Except one guy who lived in wash heights. I used to sleep with requested that I do not shave it.
Are you Harry?
The Miz 14:38
yeah, my whole is covered right now.
The Miz 14:40
Oh, yeah. I'm like really hairy. Like,
Oh, yes. Oh my god. That's like me. Oh, I love it.
You're heavier than me. That's what's a funny fucking, but I'm a bear.
The Miz 14:50
I'm really quick. You're my size
twink by hair.
Unknown Speaker 14:55
So, Your Honor, Your Honor.
He's an honor to be an honor.
I gotta get skinny. No, yeah, I'm not even in the I'm not even the hairy class. I'm in the big class. I'm a job.
He's like one of those cats that doesn't have any hair on it. Yeah,
what is I was trying to think of that.
The Miz 15:08
Like, hairless cat. I'm
a hairless bear.
Oh, wait, no, no, David. I came up with this. He's a manatee. Remember this?
The Miz 15:17
So you're like, almost extinct.
So I literally just float around and people carved Trump into my back. Cool.
Cuz you're healthy
The Miz 15:26
and healthy. Or you know, you're about to be
a twink so it's fine. I'm literally getting so sorry.
The Miz 15:34
I honestly feel like the shirts look more or more baggy
and they are there. It's legit happening. That actually weighed myself. I think I told you this last night and I know I weighed myself with shoes on. No. And from the last time I weighed to like with my shoes on at night. I never weigh at night. I was like seven pounds down from morning way.
The Miz 15:54
I'm ready. Okay, that's amazing. I'm so proud of that. But you know, it's not about the scale.
No, not at all. And we've already established that.
Let me just let me say I hope it's not about the looks either cuz for me.
I mean, honestly, again, I don't want to go either way, but my face has always been the hottest feature. It's true. It's true. These eyes will fuck anybody these lashes these lashes right here.
If you know, you know,
The Miz 16:18
I could gain 20 pounds. And if I look better, am I
The Miz 16:22
What the fuck do I care about number seven a scale
So back to what I was actually saying is your threat. See? Right here we go all the way around. I
The Miz 16:33
have no idea
where we land and gay. I have one more thing I want to say. Before we continue on this journey. I just want to read this. Okay, and I want you to tell me if it's where it's from. It's a movie. Okay? You just live to obey me and be my slave. I will own you. That's my soul. My brain my spirit. My body. Twilight, would you come and be my property till you die? I need to drink your blood. I crave it. I need to eat your entire body. I need to touch every part of you inside and out. I want to bite pieces of you.
The Miz 17:08
Are these texts from armie hammer army hammer hammer.
The best one to me is this next one I want to break.
The Miz 17:19
I was waiting for that one.
I want to take a bite out of you
The Miz 17:22
as armie hammer.
I let him suck his toes. Do you remember that? Well, I don't care. Oh, let's grow. So he's like, my toes. And now he's like I'm eating women.
The Miz 17:34
I'm sorry, but he could walk down my hall. If armie hammer wants to break my ribs and eat me alive. All the power to him. And honestly, that'd
be a win win for all of us. Go ahead. You're gonna murder me. I'm gonna get out of this. I'm gonna get out of this guilt free.
The Miz 17:51
Right and people can tell me I'm committing suicide. I can just get eaten alive.
I love this. I can't wait to the day that we're in New York City or we're in Columbus and Michigan's gonna fight and I have to break it up. I can't wait. It's gonna happen it's gonna happen he's like a house where like I'm like, bitch.
The Miz 18:07
I'm usually very very
see but that's the thing but when you're with me, you won't be scared
The Miz 18:12
I don't get in fight like I will never pick a fight.
I will just respond to you let your face say your words.
The Miz 18:19
No, I just I generally don't give a fuck about anyone. But when people take shots then it's different. That's a sneaky way.
Sneaky sneaky. This episode is full of little like,
The Miz 18:34
like if you're trying to hide something that says it all right. You can't put it in text then. Oh,
could you see what we're talking about now? Oh, do
you huh? My throat is throbbing
I'm literally throbbing my throat he is Oh my god. So he's way is he?
Unknown Speaker 19:05
It's not me.
The Miz 19:06
No, it's both of us. That the slides apparently.
This is where me and Ms jump in and explain what's going on a little. This is like a PSA like,
The Miz 19:16
literally a PSA Surgeon General's warning.
Yeah, like this episode is like, so do you want to like paint the picture for
The Miz 19:25
a picture? I'll paint the picture the picture.
This picture is definitely like a Picasso. It was supposed to be the Mona Lisa but ended up
The Miz 19:34
causing the style. We were going for Mona Lisa. We ended up like elementary school fingerpaint like bad bad news. So we were planning to have a recording as usual. And the last time we recorded a little tipsy and it was a major success. We loved it. We wanted to keep that
going. And we're just tipsy like we weren't right here.
The Miz 20:00
lockout, the operative word Ipsy. So then this weekend, we're like, Okay, let's do it again. And we just no load up on booze and get together. And it was a disaster.
Well, and we didn't eat until late. And then we were already drinking like crazy. And we're like, Can we push the recording back in is like, yeah, it's fine. So we went from eight o'clock to 930. Right? That's an hour and a half more of alcohol.
The Miz 20:25
Those 90 minutes. We're catering to those 90 minutes or I spent on the couch watching housewives down in Pino.
So I mean, chugging,
The Miz 20:34
it was a recipe for disaster because I was just like, filled with drama from housewives and Pino so I was just ready to come in hot.
And you came in hot, like, there was no doubt about it, like you came in, like, ready to go. And you were kind of like, Hey, this is and you're like, so I think it's really fun. So do you want to tell the story of why Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 20:54
I tell us your perspective before, like, in a sober way, and then I'm gonna try to like clip it together.
The Miz 21:00
Okay. So my perspective was the following. I didn't it's not a big deal. Nothing about this is a big deal. Let me preface it with that. I knew that there were certain feedback had been received about the show negatively towards me. And that's okay, that's bound to happen. That's what happens when you put yourself out on a public platform, right? Fine, whatever. So I never really I never really thought it was that big of a deal. The subject had come up earlier that day, somehow, in our in a text between the three of us, right? And I was like, aha, bah, bah, bah. Then Then as I'm watching housewives and downing Beto, I'm like, I would like love to actually see like, verbatim what's been said. And so it's like, I'm wonder where I can find it. And I was like, Oh, shit, like, I, I have the login for this thing. And so I logged in. And then it wasn't really what was said that shocked me it was the medium through which it was said, which was a direct voice recording. So it it looks not one voice recording submitted by someone to you guys as feedback, but like a discussion back and forth, right? And so various little like sound waves that I then had to click on and listen to. And I've never, I've never seen anything like that. I had never I'd never had this happen to me before. So I was all sorts of shuck. And I think it's two things like one I just was not expecting that. So I just like kind of like had a more heightened reaction than I normally would have. I was just like, and I was doubting Pino watching housewives, right,
your blood boiling and then you're like,
The Miz 22:51
right. So I'm like, in my mind, someone had just like, like, stolen $500,000 for a bank account, like, you know, like, that's like, what, like, what, Barack and I like to come in here with like a machete like I was just out of control. Yeah. And the number two, I'm just like, and what I realized for myself is I'm just like, really sensitive, which is weird, because I try to put on the front like, I'm not right, but I'm, like, really sensitive to criticism. And especially, especially, especially sensitive to criticism, when like, I'm the newer one, right? This brain production sounds like our shit like,
and that's where I get interesting. And like, we're trying like, this is new, like, this is new territory, right? Like, She's Not Doing So Well. Like you kept saying in the drunken you're like, it's you too. And then I'm just like a fun chariot. I'm like, No, like, going forward. This is like a, we need to just it's a solid new start. Yeah, some people are gonna love it that used to listen to the show, and some people are gonna fucking hate it and to be honest with you, right? I don't care. Exactly right. And I can't care and it's not that I don't care about you, or your feelings or whatever. But like, I've got to do me right you got to do us exactly.
The Miz 24:04
I think message to myself I need to like, stop being a little bitch like so. Do you? Think about what I would do stand up people wouldn't laugh at some stuff. I bet in their mind thinking wow, this kid sucks. While fuck him. I just never heard directly. So I was like, I don't care what people think. then fast forward when there's dmws of literal voices saying how or I am it's just a little different.
And let's get back to the trunk episode, where after this segment we have a whole explanation for like 10 minutes at the end so thank you for listening. Oh, guess what time it is it
The Miz 24:43
the more you know
Am I supposed to have a fucking topic? The more you know with Jim
I can't wait to hear the more you know this week because guess what you will Often, people will have commented on how they're like that motherfucker went off to him. I didn't know so much about the First Amendment.
The Miz 25:08
That was so much.
I'm glad that just sharing the basics of the First Amendment,
or you know, rarely so famous.
The Miz 25:17
Wow, the more you know, it's been around for hundreds of years. You're chock full of knowledge just drop something on us He is just bring
up any word or thing and I'll think of a
The Miz 25:28
thing you know, I can
ask about like something interesting.
Like, what's the worst thing that you wrote this week thing?
The Miz 25:37
You know, so much I
want to hear you do? Okay, I got something. Okay.
I got something like a real question you want answered and you've never asked. I don't
know if you even know anything about it. The pyramids in Antarctica.