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  • She's Not Doing So Well

If Armie Hammer Wants To Break My Ribs And Eat Me Alive, All The Power To Him



She's Not Doing So Well - Gay Comedy Podcast


Title :If Armie Hammer Wants To Break My Ribs And Eat Me Alive, All The Power To Him (Thrussy,Circle Jerks, Life, Gay Drama)


Things really heat up this week on She’s Not Doing So Well. Your favorite gays take messiness to the next level and record in a full blackout, leading to unfounded drama and an existential crisis. MIZ realizes he’s more sensitive to criticism than he would like to lead on, Jim advocates for the average lifestyle, and Bobby continues his strive to influence and serve as a resource for members of the LGBTQ+ community. Join us this week for discussions on thrussy, circle jerks, gay drama, crying in bed at night and other attempts to see the comedy in everything.



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Transcript Below:


Unknown Speaker 0:02

Oh, Donna How are you?


Unknown Speaker 0:05

Oh today Alaska, ain't it?


Unknown Speaker 0:08

Oh my god.


Unknown Speaker 0:10

No, I didn't give me


Unknown Speaker 0:14

your paperwork.


Unknown Speaker 0:19

I'm just playing.


Unknown Speaker 0:20

Okay. Today your last day. Give me a badge.


Unknown Speaker 0:26

Thank you.


Unknown Speaker 0:28

All right. J now baby J is for present dance. You ain't the president no mo we got your escalate outside.


Unknown Speaker 0:38

Let me get your checks. Your last check this everything we owe you hurry up and gashing Now before you go to prison, I mean a Pensacola.


Unknown Speaker 0:52

Hold on Lee that jacket. That's a presidential jacket. You're not the president normally that jacket.


Unknown Speaker 1:00

Alright, millennia, or millennia? millennia? Got it. No matter what today your last day. Y'all probably look sad.


Unknown Speaker 1:10

Oh, yeah. You always look like that. You right? Okay. Anyway, girl. This is where your badge your badge?


Unknown Speaker 1:17

DANA Vega you want? Because you wouldn't ever here.


Unknown Speaker 1:21

Girl Give me your paperwork. Give me your paperwork.


Unknown Speaker 1:25

Yeah, get get your paperwork. Yeah. Girl this ad. This is Michelle Obama's paperwork. This is not your paperwork. Where's your paperwork? Yeah, where's that?


Bobby 1:39

Welcome. She's Not Doing So Well. Comedy podcast featuring Bobby. I don't want to be viral. I want to be inspirational and life changing? Because Listen, I'm at GE gym at the top.


Jim 1:55

What can I say? Finally he's just like, you can unfollow me if you don't like my body.


The Miz 2:01

Oh my god. Tell me all about it. You're right, but you like it. Mushroom shape.


Unknown Speaker 2:16

Well, hello, everybody.


Bobby 2:17

Welcome to another episode of She's Not Doing So. Well. I'm Bobby.


Jim 2:20

I'm Jim.


The Miz 2:21

I'm the man's


Bobby 2:22

and we are here again on another Wednesday for you. Hi. Are we really there for them every Wednesday? I mean, yeah, God feels like a Wednesday. It feels like Inauguration Day.


Jim 2:36

Happy Inauguration Day. No one's allowed on the National Mall. I can't wait to see who sets up a bomb and a capital. I mean, we all know


The Miz 2:48

thing a good thing Jennifer Lopez will be lip synching of the inauguration. Wow. Wow. I mean, I can't


Jim 2:55

remember when she climbed like a pole. What was the other stripper movie Dr. Dow. Now and the football game, the game


Bobby 3:06

and the Super Bowl. Super Bowl Super Bowl. The football game. God you're so gay.


Jim 3:12

God


The Miz 3:15

like Bali game.


Bobby 3:16

It's like you have a ball.


Jim 3:18

Man with the big muscles in the tight jocks come out,


Bobby 3:21

you know when the shower


The Miz 3:25

didn't form


Jim 3:26

back performance. And she climbed a pole and my mom was like, I can't believe they play this on the national TV. It's like wow, some


Bobby 3:36

cry hate the hip hop in the rap.


The Miz 3:41

My Christian values. Oh, honey,


Bobby 3:44

I went off today on my own on a Word doc. And I


Jim 3:47

read it out loud actually was good. Yeah. Well, well, it's a lot.


The Miz 3:52

It's a lot to do a live reading.


Bobby 3:54

No, I don't really read what. I don't really read write.


Jim 4:01

Read Well, I don't write.


Unknown Speaker 4:08

READ WRITE READ WRITE.


The Miz 4:09

READ WRITE. Wow. One verb.


Jim 4:13

Guy, honey. Oh, honey.


Bobby 4:17

I am in trouble this week. Jim was in trouble last week. I was but I love it.


Jim 4:23

I remember last week.


Bobby 4:24

Well, everybody else does. Thank you. I'm


Jim 4:27

getting fired. Oh no.


The Miz 4:30

No, it's okay. We can all be messy slots because apparently that's what we are.


Bobby 4:34

Yeah, apparently we are because we've gotten some feedback Jim.


The Miz 4:38

I've heard that's a verbally transmitted feedback. Oh.


Bobby 4:44

Oh, this is coming for a throat


Jim 4:47

I knew what this faces Yeah, this


Bobby 4:49

is the attitude right.


Jim 4:51

Like the B attitude girl got a full glass of Pino and she's not we're like


Bobby 4:58

what's wrong Ms. Nothing Nothing. Okay, and then all of a sudden, we start drawing a little Wow.


Jim 5:04

And this week on miserable with me as we have them is here's the thing.


Bobby 5:08

I want we going there. Yeah,


Jim 5:09

we're going there.


Bobby 5:10

Like we have to just I feel like I want to fight on our show. I really do


Jim 5:14

a family feud. I'm


Bobby 5:15

afraid of the fight though, cuz I feel like it might get really ugly.


The Miz 5:18

I mean, it can't really get much uglier than what I've seen.


Unknown Speaker 5:25

Oh my god.


The Miz 5:25

Yeah, honestly, though, I've been thinking a lot about like people saying canceled, and the fact that people need to like, censor what they say because they're afraid of being canceled. And I'm like, that's like me saying I'm afraid of getting my period without a vagina. Like unless you're influential or relevant at all. You can't be fucking canceled. Eggs. Oh, my.


Bobby 5:50

I don't know what button to press it. Yeah, like that's a button pushed. I didn't know which one.


Unknown Speaker 5:57

You're right.


The Miz 5:58

So for that reason, I'm not afraid of being canceled cuz I'm nobody. No one's gonna cancel me. You can't be canceled on


Bobby 6:04

me. You have to be relevant. We can't have


The Miz 6:06

a platform be relevant. None of which I have I can have which a lot of people have so they should stop fucking saying I like can't do that because I am living up to some standard and no one else holds me to you delusional fuck. Okay. You know, I


Bobby 6:21

just I felt the tension. We came in the race. I


Jim 6:24

was well, I knew something was up. I was like, he's not feeling his oats today. Something's wrong. Well,


Bobby 6:30

we all we did delay


The Miz 6:32

before dealing my Oh,


Bobby 6:34

tell us talk to us.


The Miz 6:38

I feel like I just got off my chest. Okay, well, that's not it, though.


Jim 6:41

Because there's something else. But I'll tell you what it is. What is it, Jim? It's something about you. And your attitude. Be attitudes.


The Miz 6:53

And what would that something be


Jim 6:55

towards suicide? Oh, yep. She went there. Wow. Jim


Bobby 7:01

is like Yeah. What


The Miz 7:03

are you alleging?


Unknown Speaker 7:05

Well,


Jim 7:05

we're alleging you're a little Cavalier.


Bobby 7:08

You're does the best way I've ever heard my life.


The Miz 7:11

Okay. Yeah.


Jim 7:13

The Cleveland Cavaliers.


Bobby 7:14

Okay, so without, explain to the people why, why are you Cavalier? Like, why are you so aloof about suicide? Is it a coping mechanism?


The Miz 7:27

I don't really find it that subject like i think that i don't really understand why people view it as such a oh my god off limits topic. Like it's actually a selfish reasons that happens, like, and I mean, I know I've had friends that have done it. So for me like being able to laugh about it, because I know that's what they would have done then I don't really feel that remorseful about joking about it.


Bobby 7:56

I like that because honestly, that's one of our like, mantras of the show is let's make uncomfortable situations comfortable by laughing about it. Right? Or like talking shit about it, like making fun of something that is really like wait, for example, or you know, so I can't really talk about my looks I'm too hot for that. But


Jim 8:15

like if you're ugly like me, and you just feel if you have to hide your face, like


The Miz 8:20

you can talk about suicide is everyone thinks that like they're the only people who are sensitive to it. And they're like, Oh my god, well, I've almost done it and then it's like, okay, yeah, so have literally so many fucking people and you don't know that you don't know that so you know? Yeah, I don't really understand where people like get off formulating an opinion about my discussion about the topic.


Jim 8:46

But no, I mean, but you're gonna get it anyways because when you bring it up the police the PC police are coming for you.


Bobby 8:55

Come for me. The funny thing about it is actually may kill yours. There's no no I really hope you don't I really don't


Jim 9:02

know that you yet.


The Miz 9:04

Not tonight.


Bobby 9:06

Well, I don't think you ever should. I think you have a lot to offer it and I feel like I've I think I believe in you more than you believe in yourself.


The Miz 9:13

Yes, yes. Lots. Lots offer.


Jim 9:16

Oh, me. I think you have a lot to offer you up here. Looks


Bobby 9:24

really good. shoulders. Go


The Miz 9:25

on. Go on.


Jim 9:26

Did you get broken up with today? like something's off?


The Miz 9:29

Never been in the relationship.


Bobby 9:31

You may have been. I think you need one.


Jim 9:32

I think you need a new one. I could come to New York for you.


The Miz 9:37

And do why


Jim 9:37

and only eight and a half hours. Um, I like plants.


Bobby 9:42

He's your wife.


The Miz 9:44

Okay, that's it. You'll sit here and come miseries


Bobby 9:46

every and build. Why do you think he's gonna drop everything for you?


Jim 9:49

First of all, a be huka like, why do you think I wouldn't sit there and commiserate with you?


Unknown Speaker 9:56

Alright, creaky?


Jim 9:59

See, I've seen that mouth on film like yes, I want to


The Miz 10:03

crickey you can come Okay, Chris. Chris Rock sucked. We don't crickey you Jimmy.


Jim 10:10

Honey, it's completely Crikey it's not gonna cookie


Unknown Speaker 10:13

you average cricket.


Jim 10:15

Oh, this little cricket. That little con. Oh,


Unknown Speaker 10:18

my cricket Jiminy Cricket.


Jim 10:21

Do you want to visit I just want to like be in your bed?


Bobby 10:23

No like you already have more fans than us true. We've been doing this for I don't think that's no seriously people writing go I Love New fans in Peru like you are new or trending in Peru.


Unknown Speaker 10:35

Right. Right, right, right. Right.


Bobby 10:36

All right. Well, I got something.


Unknown Speaker 10:39

What do you got to say?


Bobby 10:41

I've been writing down some things. So you know, there's policy


Jim 10:46

You know, there's policy.


The Miz 10:50

Rudolph the Red Nosed marine.


Bobby 10:54

Policy and


Jim 10:58

penises. What are nipples?


Bobby 11:00

It's pussy Busey. And what's the other one? Cause a new one. There's a new see.


Unknown Speaker 11:07

A way


Bobby 11:08

to see clothes. What is it? a threat See? Like this? Fuck my throat see my throat pissy.


Jim 11:18

So I learned her. So hit.


Bobby 11:20

I'm like with the Gen Z. Or Gen Z.


The Miz 11:22

I'm the Gen Z reporter lingo.


Unknown Speaker 11:25

Miss Gen Z.


Jim 11:26

He's borderline are you? Well, yes.


Bobby 11:31

borderline to know you're still you're a millennial borderline, but you're on the you're on the cusp of BPD BPD. I know about bt. BTP a tape I guess I


The Miz 11:42

should say 1997 and 2012? Yeah, no, no.


Jim 11:46

So you're not you're wanting to well,


Bobby 11:49

Ohio.


The Miz 11:50

2012. Flash 2015 2012 when I came out as a sophomore in college,


Bobby 11:57

did you go to college with a OC? Or college with AMC? Yeah. I saw that. She went to your college. Like the same age? Yeah. No, but I'm just saying you kind of like cross paths.


The Miz 12:10

Yeah. probably saw on campus and like, who's this


Bobby 12:12

guy who's this? Like, she's at the gay bar like cutting in line. You're like, you bitch, and she's like, I'm gonna stay one day. No, she's like a big deal. Now she like Actually, I love her. She could be on the show. She would speak


The Miz 12:23

her mind her eye. She's, I love her. She's


Bobby 12:25

making more waves. Like when she makes a comment. Even fox news will go. Oh, god, she's commenting on Biden's plan. And it's like,


The Miz 12:33

everybody's obsessed with her is that she speaks with such conviction. I don't write. You're not trying to what she's saying. But I'm like, Okay, yeah, yeah.


Bobby 12:44

You're gonna fucking consider


The Miz 12:44

it with such conviction and confidence. I


Jim 12:47

love it. Bobby. she's a she's a real wedding. Like you see, and he's sweating.


The Miz 12:52

She's hot as hell. Like I can go straight for your pitch or shaved


Bobby 12:55

mine. Yeah, they're actually not I don't have a lot of hair shaved. No, I don't have a lot of hair in my armpits.


Jim 13:00

I don't know. It's like complete. No, they're not. You


Unknown Speaker 13:05

know, like, Harry.


Jim 13:06

Yeah, mine.


Bobby 13:08

Like really?


Jim 13:11

He looks like preteen


Unknown Speaker 13:13

high.


Jim 13:15

Grade right? So


Bobby 13:16

you think it'd be like a bear but Honey? Honey misled. Oh, and I have no hair my asshole.


Jim 13:21

Oh, that's cuz you lasered it? That's


Bobby 13:22

not I didn't have a lot before that.


Unknown Speaker 13:24

Wait, you lasers your asshole. Yeah, I


Bobby 13:26

got my my asshole laser. I had a surgery like a couple years ago for assist. It's not it's a problem. But you have a boil. Should I talk about it?


Jim 13:35

Maybe I shouldn't talk about it. Because everyone has said there


Bobby 13:38

might be something somebody might be relating. It's called a pilonidal cyst. And it's at the top of your butt crack near like your tailbone kinda. Yeah. And it starts as a cyst. But really, it's an abscess and it never goes away unless you get it literally cut out


Jim 13:50

like he has a third hole.


Bobby 13:52

I don't.


Jim 13:54

He does.


Bobby 13:56

Michael Pachter So Michael had to pack my wound every day back in the hole, penis Hole by asshole


The Miz 14:01

pile and I wasn't counting the penis hole. I


Bobby 14:03

really wasn't either,


Jim 14:04

though. You can stick things in the pain.


The Miz 14:06

I didn't really that wasn't a point of entry for you.


Jim 14:08

Well, it is to be of a sounding rod.


Bobby 14:10

So I had a cyst. And so basically the it starts with like an ingrown hair. But I don't have that many hair. But my hair is very thick. Like it's not early. It can start with like an ingrown hair. So they're like we recommend you either like shaved on the regular or get like a permanent solution. So I was like, I'll get my asshole lasered.


The Miz 14:25

Did you get a bleach to it?


Bobby 14:27

That's next.


The Miz 14:28

That's next. I used this I shaved my asshole all the time. Except one guy who lived in wash heights. I used to sleep with requested that I do not shave it.


Bobby 14:36

Are you Harry?


The Miz 14:38

Oh, yeah,


Jim 14:39

yeah, my whole is covered right now.


The Miz 14:40

Oh, yeah. I'm like really hairy. Like,


Jim 14:43

Oh, yes. Oh my god. That's like me. Oh, I love it.


Bobby 14:46

You're heavier than me. That's what's a funny fucking, but I'm a bear.


The Miz 14:50

I'm really quick. You're my size


Jim 14:53

twink by hair.


Unknown Speaker 14:55

So, Your Honor, Your Honor.


Jim 14:57

He's an honor to be an honor.


Bobby 14:59

I gotta get skinny. No, yeah, I'm not even in the I'm not even the hairy class. I'm in the big class. I'm a job.


Jim 15:05

He's like one of those cats that doesn't have any hair on it. Yeah,


Bobby 15:07

what is I was trying to think of that.


The Miz 15:08

Like, hairless cat. I'm


Bobby 15:10

a hairless bear.


Jim 15:12

Oh, wait, no, no, David. I came up with this. He's a manatee. Remember this?


The Miz 15:17

So you're like, almost extinct.


Bobby 15:19

So I literally just float around and people carved Trump into my back. Cool.


Jim 15:24

Cuz you're healthy


The Miz 15:26

and healthy. Or you know, you're about to be


Bobby 15:29

a twink so it's fine. I'm literally getting so sorry.


The Miz 15:34

I honestly feel like the shirts look more or more baggy


Bobby 15:36

and they are there. It's legit happening. That actually weighed myself. I think I told you this last night and I know I weighed myself with shoes on. No. And from the last time I weighed to like with my shoes on at night. I never weigh at night. I was like seven pounds down from morning way.


The Miz 15:54

I'm ready. Okay, that's amazing. I'm so proud of that. But you know, it's not about the scale.


Bobby 15:58

No, not at all. And we've already established that.


Jim 16:01

Let me just let me say I hope it's not about the looks either cuz for me.


Bobby 16:06

I mean, honestly, again, I don't want to go either way, but my face has always been the hottest feature. It's true. It's true. These eyes will fuck anybody these lashes these lashes right here.


Jim 16:17

If you know, you know,


The Miz 16:18

I could gain 20 pounds. And if I look better, am I


Bobby 16:21

right? Literally?


The Miz 16:22

What the fuck do I care about number seven a scale


Jim 16:26

like this.


Bobby 16:27

So back to what I was actually saying is your threat. See? Right here we go all the way around. I


The Miz 16:33

have no idea


Bobby 16:35

where we land and gay. I have one more thing I want to say. Before we continue on this journey. I just want to read this. Okay, and I want you to tell me if it's where it's from. It's a movie. Okay? You just live to obey me and be my slave. I will own you. That's my soul. My brain my spirit. My body. Twilight, would you come and be my property till you die? I need to drink your blood. I crave it. I need to eat your entire body. I need to touch every part of you inside and out. I want to bite pieces of you.


The Miz 17:08

Are these texts from armie hammer army hammer hammer.


Bobby 17:14

The best one to me is this next one I want to break.