If Armie Hammer Wants To Break My Ribs And Eat Me Alive, All The Power To Him
She's Not Doing So Well - Gay Comedy Podcast
Title :If Armie Hammer Wants To Break My Ribs And Eat Me Alive, All The Power To Him (Thrussy,Circle Jerks, Life, Gay Drama)
Things really heat up this week on She’s Not Doing So Well. Your favorite gays take messiness to the next level and record in a full blackout, leading to unfounded drama and an existential crisis. MIZ realizes he’s more sensitive to criticism than he would like to lead on, Jim advocates for the average lifestyle, and Bobby continues his strive to influence and serve as a resource for members of the LGBTQ+ community. Join us this week for discussions on thrussy, circle jerks, gay drama, crying in bed at night and other attempts to see the comedy in everything.
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Unknown Speaker 0:02
Oh, Donna How are you?
Unknown Speaker 0:05
Oh today Alaska, ain't it?
Unknown Speaker 0:08
Oh my god.
Unknown Speaker 0:10
No, I didn't give me
Unknown Speaker 0:14
Unknown Speaker 0:19
I'm just playing.
Unknown Speaker 0:20
Okay. Today your last day. Give me a badge.
Unknown Speaker 0:26
Unknown Speaker 0:28
All right. J now baby J is for present dance. You ain't the president no mo we got your escalate outside.
Unknown Speaker 0:38
Let me get your checks. Your last check this everything we owe you hurry up and gashing Now before you go to prison, I mean a Pensacola.
Unknown Speaker 0:52
Hold on Lee that jacket. That's a presidential jacket. You're not the president normally that jacket.
Unknown Speaker 1:00
Alright, millennia, or millennia? millennia? Got it. No matter what today your last day. Y'all probably look sad.
Unknown Speaker 1:10
Oh, yeah. You always look like that. You right? Okay. Anyway, girl. This is where your badge your badge?
Unknown Speaker 1:17
DANA Vega you want? Because you wouldn't ever here.
Unknown Speaker 1:21
Girl Give me your paperwork. Give me your paperwork.
Unknown Speaker 1:25
Yeah, get get your paperwork. Yeah. Girl this ad. This is Michelle Obama's paperwork. This is not your paperwork. Where's your paperwork? Yeah, where's that?
Welcome. She's Not Doing So Well. Comedy podcast featuring Bobby. I don't want to be viral. I want to be inspirational and life changing? Because Listen, I'm at GE gym at the top.
What can I say? Finally he's just like, you can unfollow me if you don't like my body.
The Miz 2:01
Oh my god. Tell me all about it. You're right, but you like it. Mushroom shape.
Unknown Speaker 2:16
Well, hello, everybody.
Welcome to another episode of She's Not Doing So. Well. I'm Bobby.
The Miz 2:21
I'm the man's
and we are here again on another Wednesday for you. Hi. Are we really there for them every Wednesday? I mean, yeah, God feels like a Wednesday. It feels like Inauguration Day.
Happy Inauguration Day. No one's allowed on the National Mall. I can't wait to see who sets up a bomb and a capital. I mean, we all know
The Miz 2:48
thing a good thing Jennifer Lopez will be lip synching of the inauguration. Wow. Wow. I mean, I can't
remember when she climbed like a pole. What was the other stripper movie Dr. Dow. Now and the football game, the game
and the Super Bowl. Super Bowl Super Bowl. The football game. God you're so gay.
The Miz 3:15
like Bali game.
It's like you have a ball.
Man with the big muscles in the tight jocks come out,
you know when the shower
The Miz 3:25
back performance. And she climbed a pole and my mom was like, I can't believe they play this on the national TV. It's like wow, some
cry hate the hip hop in the rap.
The Miz 3:41
My Christian values. Oh, honey,
I went off today on my own on a Word doc. And I
read it out loud actually was good. Yeah. Well, well, it's a lot.
The Miz 3:52
It's a lot to do a live reading.
No, I don't really read what. I don't really read write.
Read Well, I don't write.
Unknown Speaker 4:08
READ WRITE READ WRITE.
The Miz 4:09
READ WRITE. Wow. One verb.
Guy, honey. Oh, honey.
I am in trouble this week. Jim was in trouble last week. I was but I love it.
I remember last week.
Well, everybody else does. Thank you. I'm
getting fired. Oh no.
The Miz 4:30
No, it's okay. We can all be messy slots because apparently that's what we are.
Yeah, apparently we are because we've gotten some feedback Jim.
The Miz 4:38
I've heard that's a verbally transmitted feedback. Oh.
Oh, this is coming for a throat
I knew what this faces Yeah, this
is the attitude right.
Like the B attitude girl got a full glass of Pino and she's not we're like
what's wrong Ms. Nothing Nothing. Okay, and then all of a sudden, we start drawing a little Wow.
And this week on miserable with me as we have them is here's the thing.
I want we going there. Yeah,
we're going there.
Like we have to just I feel like I want to fight on our show. I really do
a family feud. I'm
afraid of the fight though, cuz I feel like it might get really ugly.
The Miz 5:18
I mean, it can't really get much uglier than what I've seen.
Unknown Speaker 5:25
Oh my god.
The Miz 5:25
Yeah, honestly, though, I've been thinking a lot about like people saying canceled, and the fact that people need to like, censor what they say because they're afraid of being canceled. And I'm like, that's like me saying I'm afraid of getting my period without a vagina. Like unless you're influential or relevant at all. You can't be fucking canceled. Eggs. Oh, my.
I don't know what button to press it. Yeah, like that's a button pushed. I didn't know which one.
Unknown Speaker 5:57
The Miz 5:58
So for that reason, I'm not afraid of being canceled cuz I'm nobody. No one's gonna cancel me. You can't be canceled on
me. You have to be relevant. We can't have
The Miz 6:06
a platform be relevant. None of which I have I can have which a lot of people have so they should stop fucking saying I like can't do that because I am living up to some standard and no one else holds me to you delusional fuck. Okay. You know, I
just I felt the tension. We came in the race. I
was well, I knew something was up. I was like, he's not feeling his oats today. Something's wrong. Well,
we all we did delay
The Miz 6:32
before dealing my Oh,
tell us talk to us.
The Miz 6:38
I feel like I just got off my chest. Okay, well, that's not it, though.
Because there's something else. But I'll tell you what it is. What is it, Jim? It's something about you. And your attitude. Be attitudes.
The Miz 6:53
And what would that something be
towards suicide? Oh, yep. She went there. Wow. Jim
is like Yeah. What
The Miz 7:03
are you alleging?
Unknown Speaker 7:05
we're alleging you're a little Cavalier.
You're does the best way I've ever heard my life.
The Miz 7:11
The Cleveland Cavaliers.
Okay, so without, explain to the people why, why are you Cavalier? Like, why are you so aloof about suicide? Is it a coping mechanism?
The Miz 7:27
I don't really find it that subject like i think that i don't really understand why people view it as such a oh my god off limits topic. Like it's actually a selfish reasons that happens, like, and I mean, I know I've had friends that have done it. So for me like being able to laugh about it, because I know that's what they would have done then I don't really feel that remorseful about joking about it.
I like that because honestly, that's one of our like, mantras of the show is let's make uncomfortable situations comfortable by laughing about it. Right? Or like talking shit about it, like making fun of something that is really like wait, for example, or you know, so I can't really talk about my looks I'm too hot for that. But
like if you're ugly like me, and you just feel if you have to hide your face, like
The Miz 8:20
you can talk about suicide is everyone thinks that like they're the only people who are sensitive to it. And they're like, Oh my god, well, I've almost done it and then it's like, okay, yeah, so have literally so many fucking people and you don't know that you don't know that so you know? Yeah, I don't really understand where people like get off formulating an opinion about my discussion about the topic.
But no, I mean, but you're gonna get it anyways because when you bring it up the police the PC police are coming for you.
Come for me. The funny thing about it is actually may kill yours. There's no no I really hope you don't I really don't
know that you yet.
The Miz 9:04
Well, I don't think you ever should. I think you have a lot to offer it and I feel like I've I think I believe in you more than you believe in yourself.
The Miz 9:13
Yes, yes. Lots. Lots offer.
Oh, me. I think you have a lot to offer you up here. Looks
really good. shoulders. Go
The Miz 9:25
on. Go on.
Did you get broken up with today? like something's off?
The Miz 9:29
Never been in the relationship.
You may have been. I think you need one.
I think you need a new one. I could come to New York for you.
The Miz 9:37
And do why
and only eight and a half hours. Um, I like plants.
He's your wife.
The Miz 9:44
Okay, that's it. You'll sit here and come miseries
every and build. Why do you think he's gonna drop everything for you?
First of all, a be huka like, why do you think I wouldn't sit there and commiserate with you?
Unknown Speaker 9:56
See, I've seen that mouth on film like yes, I want to
The Miz 10:03
crickey you can come Okay, Chris. Chris Rock sucked. We don't crickey you Jimmy.
Honey, it's completely Crikey it's not gonna cookie
Unknown Speaker 10:13
you average cricket.
Oh, this little cricket. That little con. Oh,
Unknown Speaker 10:18
my cricket Jiminy Cricket.
Do you want to visit I just want to like be in your bed?
No like you already have more fans than us true. We've been doing this for I don't think that's no seriously people writing go I Love New fans in Peru like you are new or trending in Peru.
Unknown Speaker 10:35
Right. Right, right, right. Right.
All right. Well, I got something.
Unknown Speaker 10:39
What do you got to say?
I've been writing down some things. So you know, there's policy
You know, there's policy.
The Miz 10:50
Rudolph the Red Nosed marine.
penises. What are nipples?
It's pussy Busey. And what's the other one? Cause a new one. There's a new see.
Unknown Speaker 11:07
to see clothes. What is it? a threat See? Like this? Fuck my throat see my throat pissy.
So I learned her. So hit.
I'm like with the Gen Z. Or Gen Z.
The Miz 11:22
I'm the Gen Z reporter lingo.
Unknown Speaker 11:25
Miss Gen Z.
He's borderline are you? Well, yes.
borderline to know you're still you're a millennial borderline, but you're on the you're on the cusp of BPD BPD. I know about bt. BTP a tape I guess I
The Miz 11:42
should say 1997 and 2012? Yeah, no, no.
So you're not you're wanting to well,
The Miz 11:50
2012. Flash 2015 2012 when I came out as a sophomore in college,
did you go to college with a OC? Or college with AMC? Yeah. I saw that. She went to your college. Like the same age? Yeah. No, but I'm just saying you kind of like cross paths.
The Miz 12:10
Yeah. probably saw on campus and like, who's this
guy who's this? Like, she's at the gay bar like cutting in line. You're like, you bitch, and she's like, I'm gonna stay one day. No, she's like a big deal. Now she like Actually, I love her. She could be on the show. She would speak
The Miz 12:23
her mind her eye. She's, I love her. She's
making more waves. Like when she makes a comment. Even fox news will go. Oh, god, she's commenting on Biden's plan. And it's like,
The Miz 12:33
everybody's obsessed with her is that she speaks with such conviction. I don't write. You're not trying to what she's saying. But I'm like, Okay, yeah, yeah.
You're gonna fucking consider
The Miz 12:44
it with such conviction and confidence. I
love it. Bobby. she's a she's a real wedding. Like you see, and he's sweating.
The Miz 12:52
She's hot as hell. Like I can go straight for your pitch or shaved
mine. Yeah, they're actually not I don't have a lot of hair shaved. No, I don't have a lot of hair in my armpits.
I don't know. It's like complete. No, they're not. You
Unknown Speaker 13:05
know, like, Harry.
He looks like preteen
Unknown Speaker 13:13
Grade right? So
you think it'd be like a bear but Honey? Honey misled. Oh, and I have no hair my asshole.
Oh, that's cuz you lasered it? That's
not I didn't have a lot before that.
Unknown Speaker 13:24
Wait, you lasers your asshole. Yeah, I
got my my asshole laser. I had a surgery like a couple years ago for assist. It's not it's a problem. But you have a boil. Should I talk about it?
Maybe I shouldn't talk about it. Because everyone has said there
might be something somebody might be relating. It's called a pilonidal cyst. And it's at the top of your butt crack near like your tailbone kinda. Yeah. And it starts as a cyst. But really, it's an abscess and it never goes away unless you get it literally cut out
like he has a third hole.
Michael Pachter So Michael had to pack my wound every day back in the hole, penis Hole by asshole
The Miz 14:01
pile and I wasn't counting the penis hole. I
really wasn't either,
though. You can stick things in the pain.
The Miz 14:06
I didn't really that wasn't a point of entry for you.
Well, it is to be of a sounding rod.
So I had a cyst. And so basically the it starts with like an ingrown hair. But I don't have that many hair. But my hair is very thick. Like it's not early. It can start with like an ingrown hair. So they're like we recommend you either like shaved on the regular or get like a permanent solution. So I was like, I'll get my asshole lasered.
The Miz 14:25
Did you get a bleach to it?
The Miz 14:28
That's next. I used this I shaved my asshole all the time. Except one guy who lived in wash heights. I used to sleep with requested that I do not shave it.
Are you Harry?
The Miz 14:38
yeah, my whole is covered right now.
The Miz 14:40
Oh, yeah. I'm like really hairy. Like,
Oh, yes. Oh my god. That's like me. Oh, I love it.
You're heavier than me. That's what's a funny fucking, but I'm a bear.
The Miz 14:50
I'm really quick. You're my size
twink by hair.
Unknown Speaker 14:55
So, Your Honor, Your Honor.
He's an honor to be an honor.
I gotta get skinny. No, yeah, I'm not even in the I'm not even the hairy class. I'm in the big class. I'm a job.
He's like one of those cats that doesn't have any hair on it. Yeah,
what is I was trying to think of that.
The Miz 15:08
Like, hairless cat. I'm
a hairless bear.
Oh, wait, no, no, David. I came up with this. He's a manatee. Remember this?
The Miz 15:17
So you're like, almost extinct.
So I literally just float around and people carved Trump into my back. Cool.
Cuz you're healthy
The Miz 15:26
and healthy. Or you know, you're about to be
a twink so it's fine. I'm literally getting so sorry.
The Miz 15:34
I honestly feel like the shirts look more or more baggy
and they are there. It's legit happening. That actually weighed myself. I think I told you this last night and I know I weighed myself with shoes on. No. And from the last time I weighed to like with my shoes on at night. I never weigh at night. I was like seven pounds down from morning way.
The Miz 15:54
I'm ready. Okay, that's amazing. I'm so proud of that. But you know, it's not about the scale.
No, not at all. And we've already established that.
Let me just let me say I hope it's not about the looks either cuz for me.
I mean, honestly, again, I don't want to go either way, but my face has always been the hottest feature. It's true. It's true. These eyes will fuck anybody these lashes these lashes right here.
If you know, you know,
The Miz 16:18
I could gain 20 pounds. And if I look better, am I
The Miz 16:22
What the fuck do I care about number seven a scale
So back to what I was actually saying is your threat. See? Right here we go all the way around. I
The Miz 16:33
have no idea
where we land and gay. I have one more thing I want to say. Before we continue on this journey. I just want to read this. Okay, and I want you to tell me if it's where it's from. It's a movie. Okay? You just live to obey me and be my slave. I will own you. That's my soul. My brain my spirit. My body. Twilight, would you come and be my property till you die? I need to drink your blood. I crave it. I need to eat your entire body. I need to touch every part of you inside and out. I want to bite pieces of you.
The Miz 17:08
Are these texts from armie hammer army hammer hammer.
The best one to me is this next one I want to break.
The Miz 17:19
I was waiting for that one.
I want to take a bite out of you
The Miz 17:22
as armie hammer.
I let him suck his toes. Do you remember that? Well, I don't care. Oh, let's grow. So he's like, my toes. And now he's like I'm eating women.
The Miz 17:34
I'm sorry, but he could walk down my hall. If armie hammer wants to break my ribs and eat me alive. All the power to him. And honestly, that'd
be a win win for all of us. Go ahead. You're gonna murder me. I'm gonna get out of this. I'm gonna get out of this guilt free.
The Miz 17:51
Right and people can tell me I'm committing suicide. I can just get eaten alive.
I love this. I can't wait to the day that we're in New York City or we're in Columbus and Michigan's gonna fight and I have to break it up. I can't wait. It's gonna happen it's gonna happen he's like a house where like I'm like, bitch.
The Miz 18:07
I'm usually very very
see but that's the thing but when you're with me, you won't be scared
The Miz 18:12
I don't get in fight like I will never pick a fight.
I will just respond to you let your face say your words.
The Miz 18:19
No, I just I generally don't give a fuck about anyone. But when people take shots then it's different. That's a sneaky way.
Sneaky sneaky. This episode is full of little like,
The Miz 18:34
like if you're trying to hide something that says it all right. You can't put it in text then. Oh,
could you see what we're talking about now? Oh, do
you huh? My throat is throbbing
I'm literally throbbing my throat he is Oh my god. So he's way is he?
Unknown Speaker 19:05
It's not me.
The Miz 19:06
No, it's both of us. That the slides apparently.
This is where me and Ms jump in and explain what's going on a little. This is like a PSA like,
The Miz 19:16
literally a PSA Surgeon General's warning.
Yeah, like this episode is like, so do you want to like paint the picture for
The Miz 19:25
a picture? I'll paint the picture the picture.
This picture is definitely like a Picasso. It was supposed to be the Mona Lisa but ended up
The Miz 19:34
causing the style. We were going for Mona Lisa. We ended up like elementary school fingerpaint like bad bad news. So we were planning to have a recording as usual. And the last time we recorded a little tipsy and it was a major success. We loved it. We wanted to keep that
going. And we're just tipsy like we weren't right here.
The Miz 20:00
lockout, the operative word Ipsy. So then this weekend, we're like, Okay, let's do it again. And we just no load up on booze and get together. And it was a disaster.
Well, and we didn't eat until late. And then we were already drinking like crazy. And we're like, Can we push the recording back in is like, yeah, it's fine. So we went from eight o'clock to 930. Right? That's an hour and a half more of alcohol.
The Miz 20:25
Those 90 minutes. We're catering to those 90 minutes or I spent on the couch watching housewives down in Pino.
So I mean, chugging,
The Miz 20:34
it was a recipe for disaster because I was just like, filled with drama from housewives and Pino so I was just ready to come in hot.
And you came in hot, like, there was no doubt about it, like you came in, like, ready to go. And you were kind of like, Hey, this is and you're like, so I think it's really fun. So do you want to tell the story of why Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 20:54
I tell us your perspective before, like, in a sober way, and then I'm gonna try to like clip it together.
The Miz 21:00
Okay. So my perspective was the following. I didn't it's not a big deal. Nothing about this is a big deal. Let me preface it with that. I knew that there were certain feedback had been received about the show negatively towards me. And that's okay, that's bound to happen. That's what happens when you put yourself out on a public platform, right? Fine, whatever. So I never really I never really thought it was that big of a deal. The subject had come up earlier that day, somehow, in our in a text between the three of us, right? And I was like, aha, bah, bah, bah. Then Then as I'm watching housewives and downing Beto, I'm like, I would like love to actually see like, verbatim what's been said. And so it's like, I'm wonder where I can find it. And I was like, Oh, shit, like, I, I have the login for this thing. And so I logged in. And then it wasn't really what was said that shocked me it was the medium through which it was said, which was a direct voice recording. So it it looks not one voice recording submitted by someone to you guys as feedback, but like a discussion back and forth, right? And so various little like sound waves that I then had to click on and listen to. And I've never, I've never seen anything like that. I had never I'd never had this happen to me before. So I was all sorts of shuck. And I think it's two things like one I just was not expecting that. So I just like kind of like had a more heightened reaction than I normally would have. I was just like, and I was doubting Pino watching housewives, right,
your blood boiling and then you're like,
The Miz 22:51
right. So I'm like, in my mind, someone had just like, like, stolen $500,000 for a bank account, like, you know, like, that's like, what, like, what, Barack and I like to come in here with like a machete like I was just out of control. Yeah. And the number two, I'm just like, and what I realized for myself is I'm just like, really sensitive, which is weird, because I try to put on the front like, I'm not right, but I'm, like, really sensitive to criticism. And especially, especially, especially sensitive to criticism, when like, I'm the newer one, right? This brain production sounds like our shit like,
and that's where I get interesting. And like, we're trying like, this is new, like, this is new territory, right? Like, She's Not Doing So Well. Like you kept saying in the drunken you're like, it's you too. And then I'm just like a fun chariot. I'm like, No, like, going forward. This is like a, we need to just it's a solid new start. Yeah, some people are gonna love it that used to listen to the show, and some people are gonna fucking hate it and to be honest with you, right? I don't care. Exactly right. And I can't care and it's not that I don't care about you, or your feelings or whatever. But like, I've got to do me right you got to do us exactly.
The Miz 24:04
I think message to myself I need to like, stop being a little bitch like so. Do you? Think about what I would do stand up people wouldn't laugh at some stuff. I bet in their mind thinking wow, this kid sucks. While fuck him. I just never heard directly. So I was like, I don't care what people think. then fast forward when there's dmws of literal voices saying how or I am it's just a little different.
And let's get back to the trunk episode, where after this segment we have a whole explanation for like 10 minutes at the end so thank you for listening. Oh, guess what time it is it
The Miz 24:43
the more you know
Am I supposed to have a fucking topic? The more you know with Jim
I can't wait to hear the more you know this week because guess what you will Often, people will have commented on how they're like that motherfucker went off to him. I didn't know so much about the First Amendment.
The Miz 25:08
That was so much.
I'm glad that just sharing the basics of the First Amendment,
or you know, rarely so famous.
The Miz 25:17
Wow, the more you know, it's been around for hundreds of years. You're chock full of knowledge just drop something on us He is just bring
up any word or thing and I'll think of a
The Miz 25:28
thing you know, I can
ask about like something interesting.
Like, what's the worst thing that you wrote this week thing?
The Miz 25:37
You know, so much I
want to hear you do? Okay, I got something. Okay.
I got something like a real question you want answered and you've never asked. I don't
know if you even know anything about it. The pyramids in Antarctica.
The Miz 25:53
I think this topics not gonna go well on this program.
Someone has been reading their dad's text message. queue and on. I don't think there are any pyramids in Antarctica. Maybe
Mr. Just interview you right now. Furthermore, you know,
The Miz 26:14
okay, Jim. There's been a lot of chatter lately about Joe Biden in his transition. And what it means for the Equality Act that he promised would be passed in the first 100 days. And apparently, on January 5 14. They said to a group of LGBTQ plus leaders, that that's no longer going to happen. What is your take?
Oh, Lord. So what is the Equality Act?
It's Oh, wow. You don't know what that is? How do you not know what that is? Don't you're, you have boggle my fucking mind. Is this the era is this. This is like what we're trying to get like a nationwide federal law that it's everybody's equal under like the law and protected. The job
The Miz 27:08
really does is it offers explicit prohibition of discrimination against LGBT people like before. Yes, there is a precedent.
We're trying to get here, their congressional
writing. They've been trying to pass this is Obama
there. I thought Obama interpreted like title
The Miz 27:29
up to interpretation. Now it's explained. Now
we went to law pretty explicitly say XYZ.
Congress will be busy convicting Trump. Well, that was exactly
The Miz 27:38
what they said was there and that's the
problem is, I mean, right now we have zero people in the cabinet confirmed we have a senate trial underway on January 19. We're full fledge is we don't have time to pass the Equality Act and the first 100 days? Well,
The Miz 27:54
that's what they're saying. And I take a seat.
Take a seat, you little queers stand that what the counter argument that I've been reading about is, it's really too bad that our government can be so single focus, like it should be able to, like multiple priorities are being elevated and progress is happening. So like, is that on purpose, though? Based on the constitution? Like our forefathers decided to do that on purpose, though? No, yeah. Because there's things that happen that they like, I don't know if they knew, but like, there's a process for everything. So you just can't rush things through, it has to be thought out. So they don't want to rush. Like,
The Miz 28:32
why can't these processes be happening simultaneously? Like, why can't there be like a subset of people who are really spearheading the impeachment? Why can't there be some subset of people who was actually heading the Equality Act? And then whatever else we're also faced with, you know, why do they have to be all in on one issue going forward? And then all issues take it back burner?
Good question. It doesn't need to be. It doesn't. And does it make you feel like we're always just pushed to the side? Like, oh, the gays are fine, like, Fuck, I'm like, whatever. We're just, we're just something that they can just push to the side, they can just
play with it. And we're like, cool. So
The Miz 29:11
later act verb of marginalized communities. This is what this exactly means is that it's right, a marginalized group of people, you know, it's important until something's more important. That's what marginalize me.
We got to get everybody else on their feet.
The Miz 29:26
Okay, I get it, there are pressing issues. But someone in some group of people needs to also view our rights as a pressing issue at some point and it's pressing and it's never gonna be that there's nothing else to deal with. So let's deal with the gays and the lesbians and the trans and everyone. So when are we gonna do that simultaneously with other issues like people just aren't raising it to the same isand as theirs?
Honey, I hear you like I hear you. I see your eyes and A's over I'm sorry.
The Miz 30:02
What is a demigod to?
The Miz 30:13
Me? I have no idea.
I came out demisexual and they don't accept me and I'm like
Unknown Speaker 30:27
they don't know what it is.
Unknown Speaker 30:31
Because we don't know what it
The Miz 30:32
is at me as a white upper middle class gay. My plus sign covers me you know what I mean? know everything and I own it. I know I'm not well versed in every single difference. And it means every time the sign LGBTQIA d p
plus lmnop. Okay, what
The Miz 31:03
are you gonna call me like not PC like, is that news? Like,
fuck it? I don't. Obviously I'm not honestly I really don't.
The Miz 31:10
Since a ton of people think I'm
in the capital like strong the capitals that politically correct.
Unknown Speaker 31:19
Exactly. I said
there is no PC anymore. It's gone. PCs go.
The Miz 31:23
Correct is only a construct when there is a standard and there's no standard anymore.
Are you no more you know, Jim. Thank you, Jim. Again, for
some more, you know, with Jim. I just wish you guys would ask the real question.
Unknown Speaker 31:40
that was a good question.
Yeah. Like we're all doing work here. You didn't know I didn't
know that. We had to do a topic every week.
Oh, you just want me to write the script every week.
week I ranted about a first and what a
diva. Like this is what's gonna ruin our barstool fucking our box still contract has been ruined by Eugene be like, nobody told me that I had to actually like do something as well. Portnoy would fuck me. Well, portney would fuck you
or noise one by everybody? No. Boy. Oh, yeah.
I can't think of his first name. And
Unknown Speaker 32:18
Yeah. Dave. Look at him. He's from Boston. Yeah, he does. And I think he prays like a thick mushroom had.
Yeah, it's it's short. But like, sure. But yeah,
The Miz 32:33
he wrote me. He owns all of it. And he
just started, he literally started this thing was like, let's be on ESPN. And then it became this whole huge empire. That's like XM Radio. It's like bigger than that. Like, and here we are. And here we are on the show. And he won't even fucking respond by email. So
The Miz 32:49
pick up our phone calls because it sounds like we're in a tunnel.
So I just thought of something about the Moreno.
The Miz 32:54
Okay, Jim. He just
woke up. I think the alcohol
The Miz 32:59
jam, tell us what's happening.
This is something deep, though. Oh, you're quitting gym?
If I can. If I'm allowed? Are you What do you want to quit? Well, if
you need me to. So this was something I was thinking about earlier, when I was kind of like, probably like, feeling worried. Feeling here? No, it wasn't actually this is something totally unprepared as usual. But I was downstairs reading. And I was like, What is reading? Oh, my God, Bobby is deepthroating. Pineapple lip gloss.
If you have YouTube, you can watch me just totally suck this.
He sucked off a pineapple.
The Miz 33:38
So you were asking yourself what is reading? I was
like, What is reading? And what are words? And what is the meaning behind words and letters? Because you think about writing, it's just like, you take something and you make a shape, and then someone else recognizes that shape? Okay, what does it does that shape have a meaning? Or did we give the shape a meaning?
The Miz 33:58
Honestly, this is exactly what we were talking about last night with currency. And yeah, as long as you are willing to accept it, then you have a platform.
Everything is a social period.
So I'm thinking about like archaeologists, they dig up some ancient texts or some stone tablet cuneiform something where it's like, what are the words on this text? And they have to interpret How often do they see something? How often do they see this symbol or that symbol? And what could it mean? And what were they trying to communicate? And how do they come up with something? Because if you don't have an A person who spoke that original language or wrote that allege original language, what does it mean? And I just think, to me, it's crazy. All how we have over 6000 languages and all these different writing systems. And we can communicate in all these different ways. And then you have someone who goes, Oh, I can't understand that. I would never be able to understand that. Because I have family members who hear Chinese being spoken on a movie or some other language on a movie like
Unknown Speaker 34:56
oh my God, we have to read the subtitles to read the
subtitles. Right now like,
what the fuck? No, like the rap music in the hip hop,
whenever someone says like, I could never understand that like, you could though because another human child learned that language Think about that. a two year old learn Chinese and you never learn Chinese. Isn't it crazy to like all these words and languages? And what does this mean and how grammar and all of this, we've created an entire system just to communicate, like other animals or just like, let's eat Let's fuck, let's sleep. And we're like, I want to talk about the, the pronouns he she and they, let's go
The Miz 35:33
interpersonal, interpersonal. In typical human being fashion, we've completely over engineered the entire concept of a method of communication, right? Like we could have, we could have sat there and and like that meant something, you know, but we didn't we said we could all help each other
to survive. We have
The Miz 35:53
to have these sophisticated languages. Yes. 10 says no one's fault but
no one and and and then the Oh my god, the grammar police are coming out. Like look at Bobby. I have to police him all the time. I'm the worst at writing.
You can't even write once these guys start stepping up and start writing just like little bit of show nuts. There'll be better
than a bit of show nuts.
The Miz 36:14
Yes. Do you want us to handle that? Do you want us to get in trouble? Or do you want Yeah, just
No, I don't write well, I could write it but I need you to like fit. I
I need you to I don't know. Right. Right earlier. You're like I don't read right. That's getting
Unknown Speaker 36:33
I don't read right.
I don't read right. Look at me. I'm a corporate Whoa, once I get Mr. Bae on. And so it's better. It's better get the fucking on the roller coaster, honey.
I mean, MS is in the corporate world. Tell the truth. Right.
So my MS is not. He is Oh my God. He's deep in the corporate world.
The Miz 36:50
I am deep in the corporate world. I'll never leave frankly. But
oh my god. Now this is what I needed. But that's
The Miz 36:58
Yeah. You've known this this life
I'm not giving up. I'm never.
Jim. Look at me. We can't. I know. That's you. I think I vaguely remember is that you said something about crying every night.
The Miz 37:20
When When did you vaguely remember? Yes, he
did. He did say this, that you've cried every night in your apartment since you moved there. And I want to know why. What's going on?
Why are you there? What do you miss? Lower East Side?
What do you what do you miss about the Hudson? The Hudson is
The Miz 37:39
the Hudson near me now.
What do you miss about the other rivers?
The Miz 37:44
The East River. Now I think that's me crying on a nightly basis happens whenever I go through a large change. So when I moved to New York, I happened when I quit my job and worked. We work I happened. When I went back to my current job I happened I just don't do well with large scale changes. I you know, I just don't because I get so comfortable in my current life. So whenever something's new, and I'm not used to the impacts of that I get really thrown for a loop. It just does not sit well with me. But it's interesting because I crave change all the time. Like I apply for jobs. I'm always looking for my next thing.
And there we go.
The Miz 38:30
But when it comes I'm like, wait, no, no, no, no, I'm gonna go back to what I'm used to write.
So it's easier.
The Miz 38:39
I think it's I think it's a fad, some product of meat is not being grown up. Like I'm just want to have my little comfort zone all the time. And that's not how you need to live, but you need to be if you want change and you are seeking it out. You need to be okay with your boundaries being pushed and blurred a little bit. Not so deep.
But a lot of 23 year olds are going through this like they're 20 their hearts. Oh, well. No. Oh shit. When I went from my new job, I was like, pretty much every night for months was like, I feel like I need to cry and I
The Miz 39:17
want to die, which is a thing that's like you crave the change. You want to go for it and you go and it happens. And you're like, No, no, I hate it. It's gonna fall. Ms. This
is what I was trying to ask you like four episodes ago? Yeah. How do you feel? And you're like, Oh, fuck, yeah, it's fine. But then I'm like, how do you really feel like how do you feel? You're upset. You miss your old place, but you you don't miss your old place. You miss your comfort zone? Yes. And then of course your key broke and then it was like this whole thing and then you're like, Oh my god, I'm spiraling down and you've got your super and then now you hate your superintendent. And now you just like fight him. And so now you're sitting in this apartment going I hate everybody here already. This electronic like door thing like I don't know.
The Miz 39:57
Yeah. And then today, the water Heat went out. And people were like running all around arms up in the air. Some girl knocked my door and she's like, is your heat element? Yes, obviously my fucking heat out the building T is out get away from my door. Get out of here. I don't want to talk to you
know mine works.
The Miz 40:15
Like No, you're the only one.
I'm the only one who has working heat
The Miz 40:19
just kill my face. I'm trying to I'm trying to just my own apartment. No one ever spoke. So I feel like
God, Jim, tell us
Unknown Speaker 40:28
Jim, can you go off please?
Let me go give me something to be mad about. And I'll go off.
The Miz 40:34
You can show your face it needs to come from within. I
think No, I want to know why the fuck you can't show your face.
Unknown Speaker 40:40
I want to know that too.
That's not something I get mad about. You should know
The Miz 40:45
why you talk Jim.
You're gonna have to show your face we're gonna go live now we're not. So he doesn't believe in that. Ms. I believe in it. No, you don't you don't even I believe in to see things as a faith.
I believe in a certain type of it. I feel like I believe I feel like you spend a lot of time believing.
But if I don't have people on the same ship with me that believe then it's never gonna happen.
What do you believe will happen? Oh, this is so sad. I just need to know what you believe is happening know what's gonna happen.
The Miz 41:20
The question will try to see what you believe is happening. Yeah,
what do you believe is happening?
I believe personally, America I personally believe that maps and such what and what believe in what this?
What is the goal? What's your goal here?
I think that this can reach a lot of people and bring them into the fold of the gay community and such.
The Miz 41:49
And such an ad and as such, so in such a
way that you and you when Jim asked, like, what did you want for this podcast to start and you listen to Bobby's answers, they're not exactly groundbreaking. Like what are you? You're like, I just want to reach a bunch of people same. That's what I'm just trying to talk to people right but here's the thing I want to interview them at some
I try to find out what that point is honey, cuz like
The Miz 42:16
when you die when you have an obituary, what is your legacy? is a being I kind of,
I don't really want an obituary.
The Miz 42:25
Okay, well, that's because you're gonna fucking get one obituary. I want to know that like, what I wanted to get out there got out there
was true. The craziest
part is that doesn't matter. Because in like, 100 years, maybe less for most people. No one remembers you like that.
The Miz 42:40
We don't know anything about all you know, when you're on your deathbed. You're gonna have a lot of thoughts. I
will have thoughts but they won't matter. Hopefully. They won't
Unknown Speaker 42:48
matter. It's gonna be
fine. If everyone has last moments, or Jim.
The Miz 42:55
Do you want your last moment to be just like everyone else's or so you're okay with being
Hi, and I want I do want Adam in a morphine and then I'll be fine.
The Miz 43:05
I think that's where I can't I can't. Normal.
I went, I did everything I could,
The Miz 43:11
like my mom was the guy raise a family we lived to get laid or
barely walk up the stairs.
The Miz 43:16
Like Cantor. I gotta have something better. I want to do everything I
can. Well, you didn't climb Mount Everest.
The Miz 43:23
Well, that's never a metric that I'm setting myself up again. So I really No, I'm just saying like,
it doesn't really matter. None of what we do matters. Like ultimately, in about we don't know anything about anyone from 12,000 years ago.
The Miz 43:33
I agree with that. Fact, but we don't really think
oh, man, if if I asked you to know like, Who are the people lived in Columbus in 1904. You don't zero names? Zero names? zeros. The fair. You're like
The Miz 43:47
they made a name for themselves. You wouldn't know them.
But there's about 10 of them. We only know like if I saw that. And I put
The Miz 43:53
the pressure on us to name for Jesse. Oh,
Teddy Roosevelt. And no, he was much later it was important. So 20s
The Miz 44:00
that's where the pressure coming from. It's very hard
to make it okay, that's fine. But here's the thing.
Like about zero people.
The Miz 44:11
I'm just not really keen on just sitting down and succumbing to being an average.
Kill yourself at any moment. So
Unknown Speaker 44:18
you got me. I
lost right now. I feel like we're
at a loss. I think you're blacked out.
No, we're at a standstill. Well, I
Unknown Speaker 44:27
just think we are
The Miz 44:30
Why would we Okay, okay. So let me ask you this jam is when you look at your life retrospectively. What do you want yourself to be remembered as?
I don't want to be remembered.
The Miz 44:43
So you don't want a legacy?
I don't know I don't want to be remembered. I want to desire the billions of others humans that have not been remembered.
The Miz 44:51
So you want to be even though the status quo running the mill?
Yeah, like I just want to be like every other billions of humans who no one knows their name, and they lived, they had fun. Why do
The Miz 45:01
you think you want their life? Why is that your view?
Because I feel like that makes me equal to them like I'm not trying to be something special. You just want to be them.
You're not you don't have to try to be special.
The Miz 45:11
You have no and you are special
to be remembered. You have to do something very, very, very special, like super super spaces
The Miz 45:17
that you don't think you're capable of doing that or what right?
I think most people aren't No, I don't think I am. I don't think anyone I know is.
The Miz 45:25
So you are, are just willing to succumb to the to that I
just want to be brought into all of these other humans your aura, I want to be equal to all of the other humans. Weird that you don't remember, you don't remember billions of people that remembers anything. People have lived and you don't remember their names.
Unknown Speaker 45:43
I don't dispute.
The Miz 45:49
What I disagree with? Is the aspiration to be that.
I don't know why is it bad to just want to be normal?
The Miz 45:55
is really bad. What?
Do you want to stand out? What is your What is wrong with your ego that you need to stand out and be something that's the thing
though, what you don't understand is without it trying? You stand out?
That's true. That's probably true. Here's
your conversation is because you don't have to try to stand out you stand out without trying which means it's true. You
The Miz 46:20
also okay with being normal and being elevated. I think that people who live a life with history of being downgraded makes you want to keep diluting yourself more. So I don't like I'm very confused by that by your stance because I don't think I would want to be something more if I'd hadn't had the history of being completely downgraded by all my peers all the time. That's true. That's true.
I was definitely downgraded by all my peers. So
The Miz 46:51
I'm shocked to hear you say you want to be normal, because you're coming because he's not calling you. I know you're not but you're telling me you want to be right. And so people your whole life, like you're some certain type of way, who's not normal, and yet you just aspire to be normal. Whereas I am like, I want to be at a whole different level, because people are telling me I can't be anything good. Correct. I'm not saying anyone's viewpoint or thought process is right or wrong. I'm just trying to reconcile at all. It's very interesting that we all can think a certain way. I really feel like this episodes gone so deep. It has
The Miz 47:33
I started I have to say I feel like I love it. I feel like
we need to talk about like, what do we want out of our lives and what is life to us, right? What is living? Everything is digital content. What is dying? What is dying? Because everyone wants to be remembered. Released? Everyone wants to be remembered. Do you realize like, you look around, everyone's trying to do something to be remembered. And that's how he's doing a podcast to be remembered. He wants to be remembered.
Unknown Speaker 48:03
I want to be
The Miz 48:07
absolutely like cannibal we're
gonna remember you, honey, you could die
forever. No, but here's what I
but my kids might not. And no one else might better if I can remember me, honey, you better fucking remember. No, but I just think of
it as a team. Yeah. And not having resources. Yeah. And not having somebody to listen to I had to listen to love line, which was straight people. So I never had rush limbaugh. Alright, so like the perspective was never there. So my thing is, I want to be a voice for people who are scared to say fuck that. I want to be that voice. I want to be the voice for somebody who's like scared to come out. I want them to see like, Yay. These are three guys that are like, literally, we're all kind of the same in our story. Like we were scared to come out. It was like, so awkward for us. It's so awkward for us like
beer. No, that's the thing is that you've had all of it.
Here we go. All right, we're recording.
The Miz 48:57
We're on. We're alive.
Hi, mez. Hi, Jim. How's everybody doing today? Let's just tell everybody what's happening. Now we're cutting into the episode because we need to not only address things, but also this episode never ended. In fact, the next morning when I woke up after a blackout, I was still recording by the way. So I'd like 20 hour 20 that's good math. 10 hours of like, non stop recording.
The Miz 49:26
Recording for 20 for a whole hour.
So blacked out, I went to my room and I crawled in and I said
Unknown Speaker 49:34
24 hours. I mean
we didn't i didn't realize how long it wasn't. And I was like I have three and a half hours of fucking content to try to know content
The Miz 49:43
we had. We had a lot of quote unquote content.
It went south so we're all sober. Right? Wow. I mean very well. You guys have your you have a beer. You're not in your. Yeah, no, we're not eight D okay. We're like 2d eight. It wasn't a Oh, for me, it was like 12.
The Miz 50:04
And I was like, for me, it was two bottles of wine.
And for Bobby, it was like 13 I kept
Oh, yeah. And then I got super fucking, I had to go to bed like I don't even you. Here's how I know it's a bad night when I wake up and I don't have my earplugs or my mouth guard or anything in. That's how I fucking know.
The Miz 50:23
When you're not at the community nursing home. Like, why no, like, I
wake up and I'm like, Oh, god, my earplugs aren't in. That means I blacked out and fell asleep. But that's
what that means. I can't do it. I don't have my teeth brush. And I'm like, No, I didn't brush my teeth.
The Miz 50:37
I can tell I didn't go to my veneers and like my
I didn't have a fresh diaper. I'm
The Miz 50:46
funny. I didn't bring my cane over to my bed so I could rock
motherfuckers I can't wait for you to get my age. Like I was hung over till now. And I think I'm still slightly hung over.
The Miz 50:55
Oh, my God is later No, like, I'm
getting sweats. It's bad when you get to my age, especially when you drink. beers like, yeah,
I mean, it gets worse as you age hangovers lasts forever.
Unknown Speaker 51:10
All right, well, I'll
take your word for it. So we got into a heated discussion about life and reading and language, which was good. We did. But then we get
The Miz 51:22
it remove all the noise from our blackout. And like rambunctiousness, there were actually some good things said,
I agree. And there was like truth told, but like, obviously a slur and like,
The Miz 51:36
I think it's really translated to you should take this.
I'm like, Where's all ours? And Jim's like, You ate them all. or drink them all?
The Miz 51:46
It was like milk in your cow. Yeah, it was.
Jim. Jim likes to milk the cow in a bucket and then dump it out. That was my, I meant to say stir hot, but
The Miz 51:57
that's stirring the pot. That's how you say it in Colombia?
Yeah, that's the Midwest way, honey. Milk that cow. And then you dumped that milk. Okay, that makes sense. I
The Miz 52:08
love it. I love it. Shall
we tell them? I mean, do you think we're wrapped up on that subject? What do you think?
The Miz 52:13
We are wrapped up on that? Okay.
We just actually present ourselves as we're not like really mad at each other. And in fact, like, it was actually a really positive conversation that continued on for a long time after this.
The Miz 52:25
It did continue on
and it kept going. And Ms. What happened? Like, so we kept recording, and we were drinking more? And what happened? Like towards the end? Yeah. So
The Miz 52:37
I thought it would be fun for us all to partake in a team building exercise of having a circle jerk. Like, yeah, that would be a really good way for us all to move past any sort of boundaries that had come between us. And I don't think I had everyone's buy in.
Well, it was a little First of all, I was blackouts. I didn't know how to get hired at that point. I mean, to be honest with you, 36 blackout like it's not happening.
The Miz 53:05
Yeah, but you know what? I was accepting of a hard penis, a flaccid penis. I
am not about to flash. No, I mean, that's just it was just a photo. Well, so yeah, so so miss his main line was I think we really need to do like a corporate retreat kind of jerk. And I was like, What like, I
The Miz 53:25
don't even remember. I thought you all this time had just been like saying that as a funny
Oh, no, no, you legit quote unquote, retreat.
The Miz 53:34
Okay, so we got
like, your job. I could chop probably I probably wouldn't get full but like, I was ready to try. Jim was ready. college try. I felt
like kids were pressuring me like that was like the joke.
The Miz 53:51
pitch. Okay, God, I will take full responsibility for applying the pressure. I absolutely was all up in everyone's face trying to get him to whip out their pie. And clearly it was not well received. And that's okay. You win some you lose some. Yeah, not everything can be my corporate retreat. It's okay. I know I love
you start making these like all male bonding retreats and like sell them to like companies like come out to the Central Park and we're gonna all spread eagle onto the grass and have a jerk just in public.
The Miz 54:23
Yeah. And But yeah, I thought that would be a fun thing for us to do. I fully intended on coming right in front of both of you on this webcam.
How you would have felt if you really did that, though. like would you be
The Miz 54:36
up and be like, but that would have been like, whatever. Yeah. Like I like I know you guys are well aware of like, how I do like to do sex in public, so I probably wouldn't have actually given two shots and I would have had it later.
Well, somehow, after you flashed your cock mez which we're gonna met, and I guess Jim's Wellesley did too. I didn't see it. I decided to feel I felt a little Guilty. So
The Miz 55:01
for that, what's the point? That was the purpose?
So in a full rage blackout, I was like, I have dick pics on the internet. And I told Jim then decided to have my cock on the screen and then I sent me a picture
The Miz 55:14
and what via email,
and I sent it into the group chat two
The Miz 55:19
via Gmail, that's entitled ruing dick.
He just sent it. I've watched you send the email, I was like, why are you sending an email, you can send a text message while he puts
The Miz 55:28
on his glasses. He's
Unknown Speaker 55:29
Unknown Speaker 55:31
My fucking talk and
then so then Jim found like,
The Miz 55:34
attach image like that's what you were doing. So
I didn't realize that I like really did that until the next day. And I was like, Oh, fuck. And then Jim was like, showing like, he quoted text from 3am. He was like reading like my old like, I'm a bear and did a East queens that got so pissed at him when he advertised his podcast on that website after like seven years of not posting, okay, or queens were pissed
The Miz 55:58
not to continue to derail this episode. That's just Can we just chalk this episode up to being complete? ass? Fine. What was that? The people being mad at you on Reddit? I missed that entire thing. So
basically, Bobby came back and was like, Okay, guys, I really found myself on this website. I appreciated all the help you gave me the advice. And so I just wanted to let you know that I now have a podcast. It's called She's Not Doing So Well click the link. And I was like, Huh, I haven't been here for seven years and haven't posted in that time. And now you come on here for clickbait.
Yeah, and then they can. Then some guys were like, it's fine. Like Leave him alone to do that. And then other guys were like, it's not right. But nice caulk. He posted cockpits back in the day. I'm like, Oh, my God, like the past really can get you on the internet. So fuck, to be honest, lucky. Yeah.
The Miz 56:54
That's why we had to stop abruptly.
Listen, things got weird. Things got wacky things were fine. Things got funky.
The Miz 57:01
But we did end on before the circle jerk at relatively serious note.
Did we did I think it was it was needed.
The Miz 57:10
I think it was needed. It was like a little existential discussion that we all had. And it's not necessarily even about the podcast. It's just how do you view your time on earth and the time thereafter, and a lot of people have a lot of varying opinions on it. So I love that we were able to unpack a couple. It's okay to be unclear as to what you think your life means. Because clearly three people who are a lot in a lot of ways alike have starkly different views on what their life means and what they're here for. So it's okay to have even an internal battle about it. Because it does change for you even all the time. One day, you could feel some way one day you can filter for why one hour you can feel some way one hour you feel that way. And that's just part of being a human being.